A Primer on Being Kind to Famous People

Did you ever want to be a star?

Did you ever think about what life would be like being thronged daily, everywhere, all the time?

This is a primer on how to be truly kind to those dear people in our culture who, because of their chosen careers, have high visibility.

Author's Note: This little piece has been a long time coming, & I offer it in peace, after much deliberation over a decade or so. It's time.

"Folks Is Folks"

Since visibility has been a part of my life since I was small, I feel it's time to share a few thoughts on how to be truly kind to "famous" people.

As exciting & sometimes shocking as it is to find yourself in an environment with a rather more visible individual, one must always first remember that people are all just people & like to be treated kindly.

How does this translate into a face-to-face encounter with a "famous" person?

Simply remembering that this individual likes to go about her/his day in peace, enjoying the sunshine & the simple pleasures of errands, time with family, a dinner out with the beloved, just as you do, will steer you in the right direction right from the start.

When you encounter a highly visible person in public, if you simply nod & smile, without rushing over & gushing, that person will appreciate your acknowledgement entirely & be grateful to you for your good taste & restraint.

Think about how much you like your work & how certain you are that you were born to do exactly what you are doing. You love your livelihood. You enjoy the satisfaction of a job well done. It warms your heart to know that what you do makes life beautiful & simple for others who value your work.

Highly visible people feel the same way about their work. The only major difference between their livelihood & yours is that they are more easily recognized than most when they are "out & about".

Let's start with a list of "please do nots":

• Do not stare.
• Do not point.
• Do not take photographs with your personal communication devices.
• Do not behave boisterously to attract attention.
• Do not interrupt their activity.
• Do not interrupt their time with their primary partner or family.
• Do not rush over & gush at them.
• Do not rehash their work.
• Do not attempt to engage them in long discussions.
• Do not attempt to secure their participation in your pet projects or events.
• Do not assume that this person is your new best friend.
• Do not ask for autographs in the public toilet or cafe line.

Although this list is incomplete, it gives you some idea of the challenges faced by highly visible people as they attempt to do the normal, quiet day that many take for granted.

According to many of my past & present clients, acquaintances, & friends who are highly visible, unsolicited attention at every turn can begin to feel rather aggressive & unfriendly, having entirely the opposite affect intended by their well-meaning but misguided admirers.

Now, one can easily pose the argument that when the highly visible person chose her/his profession ~ whatever it may be that put them firmly front-&-center in the public eye ~ they signed up for constant badgering.

I would respectfully disagree with this.

Let's use an example to test the verity of this point. If your passion is plumbing, & you are a fine plumber, much appreciated for your work, does this mean that you should be waylayed from your trek to the public toilet by someone wishing to discuss your work with you without any thought for your personal needs, comfort, or immediate schedule? No, obviously, it does not ~ nor should it for a person visible because of their chosen profession.

For Service Providers

If you are a service provider to a highly visible individual, it is wise to follow these simple guidelines to demonstrate that you are truly the best in the business:

• Do not discuss the highly visible client's home, preferences, or any personal information for any reason at any time.
• Do not keep the highly visible client's personal information in a place that it would be compromised or noticed.
• Do not share conversations that you have had with the highly visible client with others.
• Do not treat your highly visible client any worse or any better than you treat all of your clientèle. Good service is for everyone.
• Do not acknowledge your highly visible client with more than a polite nod & a warm smile when you happen upon them in any setting outside of your normal business environment.

What I am about to tell you is pure gold, & you can build an entire empire on this level of understanding, compassion, & discretion, so pay attention: If your highly visible client has time & the inclination s/he, just like any of your valued clients, will acknowledge you & your relationship if & when it is appropriate & beneficial to you & to them.

Conversely, you can lose a great deal of professional currency & potential new, loyal clientèle, if you choose to engage in the "please don'ts" listed above.

Treat your highly visible client with the same care & compassion, thoughtfulness & discretion that most reserve for immediate family, & you will enjoy a long & prosperous relationship with a very grateful, very happy person who will refer you freely to her/his nearest & dearest.

Demonstrate trustworthiness & compassion in your dealings with your highly visible client, & you will have an equal, joyful, healthy long-term relationship with your highly visible client.

For Neighbors

Many "famous" people live in neighborhoods just like yours. They, like anyone, really, enjoy a simple, quiet existence in daily life, as free of prying eyes & poorly behaved, socially awkward gawkers as possible.

If you have a highly visible neighbor, please avoid the following behaviors, so that you can be your "famous" neighbor's favorite neighbor:

• Do not knock on your highly visible neighbor's door simply to speak with them, so that others will see it or so that you can say you have done.
• Do not attempt to enter your highly visible neighbor's home when s/he opens the door.
• Do not make the acquaintance of your highly visible neighbor's family to gain access to your highly visible neighbor.
• Do not bring your friends over to your highly visible neighbor's home or lie in wait as a group for them to enter or exit their own home.
• Do not treat your highly visible neighbor unkindly or coldly because of her/his visibility.

For Fans & Admirers

Often in their enthusiasm, fans & admirers make enormous leaps beyond the bounds of common etiquette & good taste that land them squarely in a very bad light.

We do not want anyone to unknowingly but deliberately put himself or herself into a less-than-flattering light or into an awkward circumstance, when just a little forewarning can make life so much more enjoyable for everyone involved.

To avoid coming across as less lovely than we all know you to be, you might like, as a fan face-to-face with the highly visible person whose work you enjoy, to follow these guidelines:

• Do not bum-rush the highly visible person to gush loudly at length.
• Do not request an autograph ~ or anything else, including "a photo together"- or participation in your pet project ~ from the highly visible person.
• Do not forget yourself & ignore or insult the highly visible person's primary partner, family members, or friends who may be present.
• Do not make a scene of any kind.
• Do not snap candid photographs of the highly visible person.
• Do not interrupt the highly visible person when s/he is eating, hydrating, in another conversation, acquiring goods & services, or otherwise attending to personal business.
• If you absolutely cannot keep yourself from acknowledging the highly visible person, simple nod politely with a warm smile at the individual & his/her party. In some very rare cases, a warm, brief, firm handshake with a "thank you" is a lovely gesture.
• If the highly visible person's work has meant a great deal to you personally, do take the time to compose a lovely, handwritten note & send it to this person, in the care of her/his agent.

Anything that has not been covered here stands to the test of common sense, common etiquette, & good taste.

Think of how you might like to be treated, & act accordingly toward the highly visible people that you meet in your daily rounds.

Public Property?

It is worth remembering that you are not the only individual to intersect the highly visible person in the course of her/his rounds.

You may feel that you deserve to have a minute or 10 of this highly visible person's time. Of course, this is incorrect. Your support of this person's work & his/her visibility do not entitle you to this person's time & attention.

If everyone felt entitled in this way, all of our much-appreciated highly visible people would be housebound, ducking out under cover of darkness to drive to work, having staff to acquire everything for them, sorry they'd ever decided on the livelihood they love.

Nix the Name Dropping

This appears to be the one error common to all of the groups addressed above. It is a pervasive practice ~ & one well worth losing.

For heaven's sake, whatever you do, please refrain from name dropping. It will only make you appear to not value your own personhood.

Please do not devalue yourself with this base practice ~ you are worth far more than you imagine!

Social Networking Sites & the Stars

With the advent & ensuing success of social networking sites, it is a simple thing to follow any highly visible person's career & even to become an acquaintance in cyberspace.

Please bear in mind that most highly visible people have a trusted staff member monitoring those sites, posting interesting information, & politely responding to the various communications sent to them.

It is bad taste entirely to repeatedly send communications of a personal nature or to send communications requesting the highly visible person's assistance with or endorsement of your projects & activities. Often, these communications are flagged or simply deleted, & they may land you on an unofficial "watch list", which is not where you belong at all.

Seeking Star-Powered Endorsement

If you are seeking endorsement or assistance from a highly visible person, think first about why you feel this person's endorsement is so important to you.

If you can determine that the project & the highly visible person are a fine match in many ways, do what you would, of course, do when seeking any endorsement for a project:

• Craft a proposal & send it to the appropriate assistant, being certain to have the entire communication addressed to that assistant by name.
• Send it physically, through the postal service, in a nice envelope, to demonstrate that you appreciate this person's time & consideration on behalf of the highly visible person, as well as that person's "brand", staff, & entire organization.

Show respect & kindness, & you will receive the same, whether an endorsement is possible or not.

Secrets of the Stars

Most highly visible people ~ with exceptions so rare that we can hardly claim any exceptions at all! ~ are warmhearted, kind, compassionate, empathetic individuals who do care about making the world a better place & about making others feel their own great worth. In this way, they are just like you.

Most highly visible people find it a great luxury to be able to dine, shop, & recreate in safe, relaxing environments free of interference, just like you. This is why "famous" people have preferred service providers, shops, restaurants, resorts, & natural environments. In these places, they know that their privacy will be respected & they will be treated no worse & no better than any other client; they like being treated fairly.

Most highly visible people, when treated with the same warmhearted, compassionate respect that you extend to others you like & love, will respond in kind.

In this way, you can be the kindest to "famous" people by treating them just as well as you treat everyone else, respecting their right to move about freely & unhindered by unsolicited interactions.

You can be the brightest star by treating culturally designated stars with thoughtfulness, gifting them with the luxury of everyday anonymity. It is truly the greatest gift that you can give to highly visible people, & they will bless you for it for a lifetime.

Life Lessons

Beached

I recall a highly visible lady being unable to enjoy the seashore with us, because she had been beleaguered by well-meaning admirers to the point that she could not even get herself & her children out of her vehicle in the beach parking lot.

She broke down in tears as she carefully drove away through the crowd around her vehicle, & my heart just broke for her.

As a little child, this made a great impression on me regarding the importance of respecting everyone's personal space & right to enjoy activities without being harrassed.

Say "Uncle"

I recall having a quiet luncheon with my darling uncle, who was unceremoniously accosted by a fellow insisting that he was a "good friend" of my uncle & some of his "famous" friends, when he was a completely unknown fan.

The tension on my uncle's face contrasted by the mastery of etiquette demonstrated in dealing graciously with this misguided admirer impressed me as a teen: being kind to others, regardless of how they treat us, is a mark of our good character.

In The Soup

Several years ago, while grieving a death in my family, we dined out at a favorite little haunt, so that we needn't cook. During the soup course, one of my beloved's fans came over to our table & began to talk about herself. Backing her rather ample posterior into my face, she let out a big toot (how else shall I say it in your polite company?) straight into my soup as she continued talking, without missing a beat. I did not finish the soup.

This impressed upon me the importance of always encouraging fans to keep their fannies facing away from the table while interrupting our dining.

I share these experiences as a gentle reminder that it is always wise to be considerate of others. We do not know what sort of day another has had. We do not know what sort of challenges s/he currently faces. We do not know the details of his/her life.

You're a Star!

What we do know is summed up beautifully in this anonymous adage: Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting his/her own battles.

The Golden Rule also perfectly states how we might best behave with others: Treat others as you would like to be treated.

The Wiccan Rede is particularly germane: Do what you will, as long as it harms no one ~ & that includes you.

Be a star. Make yourself visible through your grace & goodness. Extend all of your best & most thoughtful behaviors to others, especially to the highly visible, because they often need it more than you can imagine & appreciate it more than you know.

© 2011 Lady Enchantee